the ilgama puzzle

first of all you have to ask yourself if it is that significant, to analyze yourself in depth and accept some loss of spontaneity. you will never been the same. yet life is changing, so what matters anyway?

as the desert stands for hardship, every one will met on his/her journey through the dessert. you could see that as fatum and the way you see life (on earth) in general, such as described in depth by he author ilgama (ilga from the philosophical department of riga).

in the introduction the very old question is posed: "to be or not to be". it seems logical therefore to ask yourself: "am i really here, and if so why i am here?". the only point is that i am and thus can put that question now. anxious isn't it?

not only that the hardship of life, the desert-track, influences that question by the efforts and strains, life saddles you up with and upsets you, it is also a philosophical question, knowing that conscious life has a beginning and an end and that life is always there in a way.

and because most people can't deal with that or digest it, they call for believe such as religion does. it is a kind of a "remedy" that heals the sinlessness of life and the anxiety for death by putting away that essential question by believing.

the fact, that you know the way to go, doesn't means that it answers your basic question. of course you was always there, before your conception as egg and seed and thus as proteines-partikels aso, but not in a state of awareness, during life. after death you will progress to dust and partikels again but in a different context.

my philosophical approach is that you are always in a certain form of expression and that awareness of actual being, or life in narrower sense, plotted against time is relative, but it is not the same as uselessness of existence.

existence has no quality of usefullness or uselessnes per se, it is simply there. so acceptation or not is of no interest. but you may ask after the meaning of it, because you are human (and imperfect), especially because life is short.

therefore flirting with death is of the same order as flirting with life or even better because you will be longer death than alive. the longer you are death, the shorter the life was. or infinite death defines life as minimal, but not neglectable. or is real life the way to be and more important?

and is it childish to think that you are controled by environment and lack of choice as in genetics the phenotype is build up from genotype and environment in equal parts? choices are there, but don't exaggerate their impact in a regulating society or environment.

and even when freedom is narrow or limited, how free are your choices then in reality? if the negative incentive is strong it will has his impact on freedom of choice, because we are humans. can you choose for the impossible? yes, it can but consequences will be disastrous.

the forest or my real attitude for life, without powdered by my philosophy? silly question. you ask me to climb the mountain without leggs. and is it not for my analytical mind to sense the imposibillity of the existence of a forest in the desert?

define desert better than, you put me there. why you don't use the normal word oasis, a well with some palm-nut trees? and by reflexing it in my maybe distorted mind i should have waste a lot of valuable time? who tells me that i see life only as a stage before death?

i called the forest a place of shelter, a place to hide and relax. and nevertheless it could be a mirage or maybe not, that is anyway the way i have to go, because the forest is in front of me. besides knowing that life will end, especially in such conditions, that is not a mirage.

a pail with water stands for my attitude toward "my" woman. the word is singular. but it stands for wife, friend and mistress. derived from woo man. how nice to see, that i can appreciate woman, and that i won't exaggerate by putting my head in the pail, so i must care for love and knowing at the same time they are the mysteries of life, i wouldn't spoil water.

even i take the pail with me on my safari. does that mean that i shall met on my journey of life new friends, or make one my mistress? probably i would say, in the mean time it will cause grief to my wife by knowing and accepting it. better than belief in the infinite fidelity of the marriage, obtruded from society and religion for their own bargaining.

the lake means the attitude toward science. and it seems to be my top priority, even beyond woman. but remembering i was bearing the pail with me, i can refill that pail and even play can-can to enjoy it. though science is only a product of human mind it's quality has been disputed. and therefore why should i have to sublimate my attitude to science.

it offers me a realistic point of view to the wall as it relates to work. why people thinks often that there work is of any importancy? it is a pain in the arse to admit, that there is a lot done without any sense except bargaining from self-esteem. the consequence is a certain idealistic view on the matter as reaction-formation to sustain hope.

the ocean should stand for sex? it tells more over the unknown author of this desert-test than it does about me. appearently i like sex, me idiot, and by connecting it with the beginning or origin of life, i do see the perpetual cycle of be born, life and death in the same time. maybe also the recognition of ectasy. sex is to be for a moment in the origin of the big-bang.