the desert test
introduction: imagine that i am trying to get over a desert. first of all i would ask my self, why i should try it, knowing that i would never put me in such a horrible situation by myself. secondly i assume that i know where to go, in what direction i have to go, because i am trying to get over. so at least i have to know that east is where the sun rises and west is where the sun sets. in the middle (south) where the sun is at his zenith, i can calculate the angle to the earth by looking at the shadow from a certain object, perpendicular placed on the surface of the desert, and now i know the way to go?
as always i am alone, exhausted, worn-out, thirsty by the incredible heat. it means that not even i am trying to get over a desert, but also that you put me already in that situation long after i took the decision to try. so you thought i was so stupid to go without a caravan, a camel, my food and water supply maybe clothes and an umbrella. it seems to me that you take the decision for me that i had to go (fatum). then the desert, a vaste inaccessable plain of sloping sandhills, devoid of green or brown sunburned bush, probably without cacti for water, and by the "way" paved with skeletons of animals and man telling me there were some stupid ones before me.
i walk in the night, preventing sunburns and dehydration and spearing energy. nevertheless i drag along because lack of food and energy and see, i think i am becoming delirious by seeing suddenly a forest in front of me, a place of shelter, where you can hide for the burning sun and look for water, telling myself that there would be never a forest in a desert, and if, there must be water. i rub my eyes and because it is obvious in my mind or in front of me it does'nt matter, because it is the direction i had to go. besides thinking it is a place to hide it looks also a good place to relax. and by holding direction it is not me, but the forest that disappears in front of my eyes. it seems to me it must been a mirage.
and being so thirsty and delirious meanwhile, it is absolutely not incredible that i suddenly wish to see a pail filled with water. of course i will take that pail and one can see me drinking out that pail by analyzing my gestures and acts. i won't wast the water by putting my head in the pail - i am not mad - and even without any water, there is a moment of quenching my thirst, so i lay fore a minute in ecstasy on the hot ground with my eyes closed. the imaginary can, i take with me in case of finding water in short future as it stands for hope. and see when i continue my journey as good as possible, at last i will find that, for what i was looking for.
on horizon's end i see the lake, filled with sweetish water, to refresh and to cool me from thirst and burning wounds. i drag myself through the sand, doubting if i would reach the lake so far away, but being unreasonable, i go on and on and on. how nearer the lake, the stronger my drive to reach the impossible and imaginary lake, that is by definition not present in a desert. so i know in an clear moment of my desorientated brain that my ultimate destination will be soon there. no wonder, that i walk against a high, high and long, long wall.
the long wall stands for the not-so-imaginary border, the final action you even don't have to make by yourself. is'nt it not ridiculous that you can overcome the high, high and long long wall by going around it or even climbing it, while you creep on all fours or belly in the hot sand totally exhausted and without strenght any more, the real burn-out. if i was not that delirious, i would laying down on my back to face the burning heaven, that feels like hell (belief me), and starving and dying slowly bit by bit, it seems logical that i take that wall in my thoughts by reaching my ultimate goal in life.
the deep ocean, that wonderful place to be, to feel united with nature in cool splendid colours of corals and fish and the bright light on top as i sink to the bottom, remembering the motherwomb, where i can safely rock the tidal waves of the ocean, noticing that my return to the origin of life is pleasant and safe, and i feel the warmth as i am touched by my return to the inborn fate of my destination. so by analyzing the-desert-test it is in a way the way you have to go trough in life for fulfilling your destination in an ocean of tears.
fatum is like a game, a kind of sukodu and i named it ilgama.
as always i am alone, exhausted, worn-out, thirsty by the incredible heat. it means that not even i am trying to get over a desert, but also that you put me already in that situation long after i took the decision to try. so you thought i was so stupid to go without a caravan, a camel, my food and water supply maybe clothes and an umbrella. it seems to me that you take the decision for me that i had to go (fatum). then the desert, a vaste inaccessable plain of sloping sandhills, devoid of green or brown sunburned bush, probably without cacti for water, and by the "way" paved with skeletons of animals and man telling me there were some stupid ones before me.
i walk in the night, preventing sunburns and dehydration and spearing energy. nevertheless i drag along because lack of food and energy and see, i think i am becoming delirious by seeing suddenly a forest in front of me, a place of shelter, where you can hide for the burning sun and look for water, telling myself that there would be never a forest in a desert, and if, there must be water. i rub my eyes and because it is obvious in my mind or in front of me it does'nt matter, because it is the direction i had to go. besides thinking it is a place to hide it looks also a good place to relax. and by holding direction it is not me, but the forest that disappears in front of my eyes. it seems to me it must been a mirage.
and being so thirsty and delirious meanwhile, it is absolutely not incredible that i suddenly wish to see a pail filled with water. of course i will take that pail and one can see me drinking out that pail by analyzing my gestures and acts. i won't wast the water by putting my head in the pail - i am not mad - and even without any water, there is a moment of quenching my thirst, so i lay fore a minute in ecstasy on the hot ground with my eyes closed. the imaginary can, i take with me in case of finding water in short future as it stands for hope. and see when i continue my journey as good as possible, at last i will find that, for what i was looking for.
on horizon's end i see the lake, filled with sweetish water, to refresh and to cool me from thirst and burning wounds. i drag myself through the sand, doubting if i would reach the lake so far away, but being unreasonable, i go on and on and on. how nearer the lake, the stronger my drive to reach the impossible and imaginary lake, that is by definition not present in a desert. so i know in an clear moment of my desorientated brain that my ultimate destination will be soon there. no wonder, that i walk against a high, high and long, long wall.
the long wall stands for the not-so-imaginary border, the final action you even don't have to make by yourself. is'nt it not ridiculous that you can overcome the high, high and long long wall by going around it or even climbing it, while you creep on all fours or belly in the hot sand totally exhausted and without strenght any more, the real burn-out. if i was not that delirious, i would laying down on my back to face the burning heaven, that feels like hell (belief me), and starving and dying slowly bit by bit, it seems logical that i take that wall in my thoughts by reaching my ultimate goal in life.
the deep ocean, that wonderful place to be, to feel united with nature in cool splendid colours of corals and fish and the bright light on top as i sink to the bottom, remembering the motherwomb, where i can safely rock the tidal waves of the ocean, noticing that my return to the origin of life is pleasant and safe, and i feel the warmth as i am touched by my return to the inborn fate of my destination. so by analyzing the-desert-test it is in a way the way you have to go trough in life for fulfilling your destination in an ocean of tears.
fatum is like a game, a kind of sukodu and i named it ilgama.
Labels: psychology
posted by koendrik | 02:00
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