the heart-filler

in a far-away land of the nether-rhine was living a lonely hermit, a descendant of the famous magician gandalf. they told his name was hero anomymus a kindrid spirit of hieronymus the great. and that he was a master in applying herbs for healing wounds and broken hearts.

from near and far they visited the master in the hope he could cure ailments of different kind. once upon a time there was a beautiful woman living in the balkan peninsula, who lost her mind and spirit and also her dreams hidden deep in her heart. she felt there was nothing more than emptiness.

despite there was no goal in wearing nice clothes, still she hides her emptiness in it, because she was shy and didn't want to show this to everyone. and indeed everybody who encountered her appearance was full of enthusiasm and they didn't noticed the person, who was wearing the clothes.

she felt so lonely and sad at the same time and she was looking for affection and love, but she couldn't find it in her neigborhood, because that would be to obvious. so she looked far away in the promised land thousend of miles away, knowing in the same time the restrictions.

if she was prepared to leave her only son to travel to the land of the lower rhine and its misty nibelungen, that was the question. the problem was not only her empty heart, but also that it was locked inside to be sure she would stay empty a kind of penalization of her inner ego.

she was a kind person to all who met her, so nobody would expect her total emptiness inside and her agony to survive. despite she was high educated, there was no understanding of the underlying disease. this was remarkable because she owns a masters degree in psychology.

to hide her emptiness she threw herself at work and even took a second job with the silly excuse of lack of money and the upgoing prices for living, but the real reason was that there wasn't enough time left to feel the enormous emptiness of life and the chronic pain in her heart.

could it be a form of reactive depression? the desillusions of life, the bad behaviour of the governments and their greed? maybe, but I think the real problem was more structural. she couldn't appreciate anymore the signals of the society, people send to her. she was slowly desintegrating.

maybe a certain degree of depersonalization. a dissociative disorder: the independency of feelings and thoughts, the feeling to be an external monitor of your own body and mental processes like the feeling that everything happens in a dream?

normally this would causes a significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. she was lucky in a way, that her work was quite individal in both of her jobs, so the distress or impairment was bearable and not that disastrous.

now we can assume she needs badly the help of the lonely hermit hero, because he was master in loneless and emptiness. the story goes that he became a master after his druide germania left him without love almost for the same reason.

it was clear to hero that his trial to heal the standart wife from the balkany land would be very difficult even almost impossible to accomplish. he started to imagine her way of thinking and empathize her emotions so he started to understand her being.

it was a strange hollow feeling hero felt and a weird world evolved in his heart. he recognized the coldness and loneless and was shivering by the thought of it. so he decide first to make a little fire in his mind to expel the devasting cold. a little flame of hope and warmth was born.

than he gathered some paly roses from the bank of the lower rhine and squeezed them all except one to gain rose oil from them and put some firethorn with it to make the mix boiling in the pail. also he added some forget-me-not (myosotis versicolor) to be sure that the rose wouldn't forget the fire.

in his mind he took some rose oil from the can and he smears and lubricated the lock in the heart of the balkan girl (she didn't came from kanzanluk, where roses were born all the times) and look a little miracle happens: the lock opens without strain to let the doors of her blindfolded heart open.

the mind of hero was captured by a feeling of well-being and hot-spots were born in his mind feeding his lower rhinencephalon full of emotions. his limbic system was excited and even he wanted to dance the limbo with the balcony girl to enjoy wonderful feelings of togatherness.

than hero started to concentrate in his brain to emit his peaceful happiness like a quasar to be sure that the beam would reach the so lonely balkan girl to enlight her lonely heart to warm her with empathy and a little ray of hope and trust.

now hero was waiting to meet her in the land of roses to smell her existence, wondering how the feelings should be, when he offered her the rose, that he deliberatedly put aside, when he was making his love potion from the herbs of the bank of the lower rhine.